Po' Lazarus.
Well, the high sheriff
He told the deputy
Won't you go out and bring me Lazarus
Well, the high sheriff
He told the deputy
Won't you go out and bring me Lazarus
Bring him dead or alive
O Lord
Bring him dead or alive
Well, the deputy
He told the high sheriff
Well, I ain't gonna mess with Lazarus
Well, the deputy
told the high sheriff
Said I ain't gonna mess with Lazarus
Pick up that hammer there, boy.
Thank you, boss.
He's a dangerous man
Oh, Lord
He's a dangerous man
Come on, get it. Let's go.
Say,
any of you boys smithies?
Or if not smithies, per se,
were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts
before straitened circumstances...
...forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'?
Jesus! Can't I count on you people?
Sorry, Everett.
Well, all right.
- If we take off through that bayou... - Wait a minute.
Who elected you leader of this outfit?
Well, Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought.
But if that ain't the consensus view, then hell, let's put her to a vote.
Suits me. I'm votin' for yours truly.
I'm votin' for yours truly, too.
Okay, I'm with you fellas.
Mind if we join you, old-timer?
Join me, my sons. Join me.
You work for the railroad, Grandpa?
I work for no man.
Got a name, do ya?
I have no name.
Well, that right there may be the reason
you've had difficulty findin' gainful employment.
You see, in the mart of competitive commerce...
You seek a great fortune,
you three who are nigh in chains.
You will find a fortune,
though it will not be the fortune you seek.
But first,
first, you must travel
a long and difficult road.
A road fraught with peril, mmm-hmm.
You shall see things
wonderful to tell.
You shall see a cow
on the roof of a cotton house.
And, oh, so many startlements.
I cannot tell you how long this road shall be,
but fear not the obstacles in your path,
for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
Though the road may wind,
and yea, your hearts grow weary,
still shall ye follow the road,
even unto your salvation.
The treasure's still there, boys. Believe me.
But how'd he know about the treasure?
I don't know, Delmar.
The blind are reputed to possess sensitivities
compensatin' for their lack of sight,
even to the point of developin' paranormal psychic powers.
Now, clearly, seeing in the future would fall neatly into that category.
It's not so surprising then
that an organism deprived of its earthly vision...
He said we wouldn't get the treasure we seek
on account of our obstacles.
What the hell does he know? He's an ignorant old man.
Jesus, Pete. I told ya I buried it myself.
If your cousin still has this here horse farm,
and a forge and some shoein' impediments to restore our liberty of movement...
Hold it right there!
- You men from the bank? - You Wash's boy?
Yes, sir. Daddy told me I'm to shoot whoever's from the bank.
Well, we ain't from the bank, young feller.
Yes, sir. I'm also supposed to shoot folks servin' papers.
We ain't got no papers neither.
I nicked the census man.
Now, there's a good boy.
Is your daddy about?
Hello, Pete. Who are your friends?
Pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr Hogwallop.
- My name's Ulysses Everett McGill. - And I'm Delmar O'Donnell.
How you been, Wash?
Been what, 12, 13 years?
Yep,
I expect you want them chains knocked off.
They foreclosed on Cousin Vester.
He hanged himself a year come May.
And Uncle Ratliff?
The anthrax took most of his cows. The rest don't milk.
And he lost a boy to mumps.
Where's Cora, Cousin Wash?
Couldn't say.
Mrs Hogwallop up and
R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
She must've been lookin' for answers.
Possibly.
Good riddance, as far as I'm concerned.
I do miss her cookin' though.
- This stew's awful good. - You think so?
I slaughtered this horse last Tuesday.
I'm afraid she's startin' to turn.
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
when skies are grey
You'll never know, dear
how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
Well, that winds up tonight's
Pass the Biscuits Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour.
This is Pappy O'Daniel, hopin' you folks been enjoyin'
that good, old-timey music.
And remember, when you're fixin' to fry up some flapjacks
or bake a mess of biscuits,
use cool, clear water
and good, pure Pappy O'Daniel flour.
Well, guess I'll be turnin' in.
Say, Cousin Wash,
I suppose it'd be the acme of foolishness to inquire if you had a hairnet.
Got a bunch in yon bureau.
Mrs Hogwallop's, matter of fact.
Help yourself.
I won't be needin' them.
All right, boys!
- How's my hair? - It's the authorities!
We got ya surrounded!
Damn! We're in a tight spot!
Just come on out a-grabbin' air!
And don't try nothin' fancy!
Your situation is purt nigh hopeless!
Damn! We're in a tight spot!
DELMARI What in the Sam Hill...
Pete's cousin turned us in for the bounty.
The hell you say!
- Wash is kin! - Sorry, Pete!
I know we're kin, but they got this Depression on.
I got to do for me and mine.
I'm gonna kill you, Judas Iscariot Hogwallop!
You miserable, horse-eatin', son of a...
Damn! We're in a tight spot!
Damn his eyes!
Pa always said, "Never trust a Hogwallop".
Come and get us, coppers!
You boys are leavin' us no choice but to smoke you out!
Damn! We're in a tight spot.
- Light 'er up! - Hold up, boys!
Ain't you never heard of negotiatin'?
Maybe we can talk this out! I hate fire!
You lousy, low-down, yellow-bellied skunks!
We gotta speak with one voice, here. Careful with that fire, now, boys!
That's enough, sir.
I hate fire!
Gapped-toothed, carpetbaggin', motherless spawn of hell!
Holy Saint Christopher!
Get away from that vehicle, chaps! She's lickin' fire!
Take cover, boys! That ain't popcorn!
Scatter, boys!
Get in, boys. I'm gonna R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
Come on, boss! Come on! Come on!
What are you doin' here? You oughta be in bed, crumbsnatcher.
You ain't the boss of me!
You candy-butted, car-thievin' so-and-sos!
I curse yer names!
Go back home and mind your pa.
What's the damn problem?
I can get the part from Bristol. It'll take two weeks.
- Here's your pomade. - Two weeks?
- That don't do me no good. - Nearest Ford auto man's Bristol.
Hold on, now. I don't want this pomade. I want Dapper Dan.
I don't carry Dapper Dan. I carry Fop.
Well, I don't want Fop, God damn it! I'm a Dapper Dan man.
Watch your language, young fella. This is a public market.
Now, if you want Dapper Dan, I can order it for you,
have it in a couple of weeks.
Well, ain't this place a geographical oddity.
Two weeks from everywhere. Forget it.
A dozen hairnets.
Well, it didn't look like a one-horse town.
- But try finding a decent hair jelly. - Gopher, Everett?
And no transmission belt for two weeks neither.
They dam that river on the 21 st.
- Today's the 17th. - Don't I know it.
We got but four days to get to that treasure.
After that, it'll be at the bottom of a lake.
We ain't gonna make it walkin'.
- That's right. - Gopher, Everett?
But the old tactician's got a plan.
For the transportation, that is.
I don't know how I'm gonna keep my coiffure in order.
How's this a plan? How we gonna get a car?
Sell that. I figure it can only have painful association for Wash.
"To Washington Bartholomew Hogwallop,
"from his lovin' Cora".
It was in his bureau. I reckon it'll fetch us enough cash
for a good used autovoiture and a little left over besides.
Hoo! You got some light fingers, Everett.
Gopher?
You miserable, little sneak.
You stole from my kin!
- Who was fixin' to betray us. - You didn't know that at the time!
So I borrowed it till I did know.
That don't make no sense!
Pete, it's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart.
What the hell is that singing?
Appears to be some kind of a
congregation.
Care for some gopher?
No, thank you, Delmar.
A third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite
without beddin' her back down.
You can have the whole thing.
Me and Pete already had one.
We ran across
a whole gopher village.
O brothers, let's go down
Let's go down. Come on down
Come on, brothers, let's go down
Down in the river to pray
As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the starry crown
Good Lord, show me the way
O fathers, let's go down
Let's go down. Come on down
O fathers, let's go down
Down in the river to pray
As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord, show me the way
O mothers, let's go down
Come on down. Don't you wanna go down?
Come on, mothers, let's go down
Well, I guess hard times flush the chumps.
Everybody's lookin' for answers. There's always...
Where the hell's he goin'?
Thank you.
Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.
Delmar's been saved.
Well, that's it, boys. I've been redeemed.
The preacher done washed away all my sins and transgressions.
It's the straight and narrow from here on out,
and heaven everlastin's my reward.
Delmar, what are you talkin' about? We got bigger fish to fry.
The preacher said all my sins is washed away,
includin' that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo.
I thought you said you was innocent of those charges.
Well, I was lyin'.
And the preacher said that that sin's been washed away, too.
Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now.
Come on in, boys. The water is fine.
Come on, boy. That a boy. Good dog.
We got the scent!
The preacher said it absolved us.
For him, not for the law.
I'm surprised at you, Pete. I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar.
But there was witnesses seen us redeemed.
That's not the issue, Delmar.
Even if it did put you square with the Lord,
the State of Mississippi's a little more hard-nosed.
You should've joined us, Everett. It couldn't have hurt none.
Hell, at least it would've washed away the stink of that pomade.
Join you two ignorant fools in a ridiculous superstition?
Thank you, anyway. And I like the smell of my hair treatment.
The pleasin' odour's half the point.
Baptism.
You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers.
Well, I guess you're just my cross to bear.
Pull over, Everett. Let's give that coloured boy a lift.
You folks goin' past Tishomingo?
Sure. Hop in.
How ya doin', son? Name's Everett.
These two soggy sons of bitches are Pete and Delmar.
Keep your fingers away from Pete's mouth.
He ain't had nothin' to eat for 13 years,
except prison food, gopher and a little greasy horse.
Thanks for the lift, sir. My name's Tommy. Tommy Johnson.
How ya doin', Tommy?
Say, I haven't seen a house out here for miles.
What are you doin' out in the middle of nowhere?
Well, I had to be at that there crossroads last midnight
to sell my soul to the devil.
Well, ain't it a small world, spiritually speakin'?
Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved.
I guess I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated.
This ain't no laughin' matter, Everett.
What'd the devil give you for your soul, Tommy?
He taught me to play this here guitar real good.
Oh, son.
For that, you traded your everlastin' soul?
Well, I wasn't usin' it.
I've always wondered... What's the devil look like?
Well, of course, there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete,
but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly
with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork.
Oh, no. No, sir.
He's white.
He's white as you folks
with empty eyes and a big, hollow voice.
He love to travel around with a mean, old hound, that's right.
And he told you to go to Tishomingo?
Well, no, sir. Why, that was my idea.
I heard there's a man down there,
he pays folks money to sing into his can.
They say he pays extra if'n you play real good.
Tishomingo, huh?
How much he pay?
All right, boys, follow my lead.
Hello?
Who's the honcho around here?
I am. Who are you?
Well, sir, I'm Jordan Rivers,
and these here are the Soggy Bottom Boys out of Cottonelia, Mississippi.
Songs of salvation to salve the soul.
We hear that you pay good money to sing into a can.
Well, that all depends. You boys do negro songs?
Uh...
Well, sir, we are negroes,
all except for our... The fellow that plays the guitar.
Well, I don't record nigger songs.
No, I'm lookin' for some old-timey material.
People can't seem to get enough of it
since we started broadcastin' it on the Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour.
So, thank you for stoppin' by.
Sir, the Soggy Bottom Boys
have been steeped in old-timey material.
Heck, we're silly with it, ain't we, boys?
- That's right. - That's right.
- We ain't really negroes. - All except for our accompanist.
I
am a man
of constant sorrow
I've seen trouble
all my days
I
bid farewell
to old Kentucky
The place where I
was born and raised
The place where he
was born and raised
For
six long years
I've been in trouble
No pleasure here
on earth I found
For
in this world
I'm bound to ramble
I have no friends
to help me now
He has no friends
to help him now
Maybe
your friends think
I'm just a stranger
My face you'll never see no more
But there is one promise
that is given
I'll meet you on
God's golden shore
He'll meet you on
God's golden shore
Hot damn, son! I believe you did sell your soul to the devil!
Boys, that was some mighty fine pickin' and a-singin'.
I tell you what.
You come on in here, and you sign these papers here,
I'm gonna give ya $10 apiece.
Okay, sir, but Mert and Aloysius will have to just sign "X's".
Only four of us can write.
That'll be fine.
Hey, mister, I don't mean to be tellin' tales out of school,
but there's a feller in there who'll pay you $10
if you sing into his can.
I'm not here to make a record, ya dumb cracker.
They broadcast me out on the radio.
That's Governor Menelaus "Pass the Biscuits, Pappy" O'Daniel.
And he'd sure appreciate it if you ate his farina and voted him a second term.
Finest governor we ever had in Mississippi.
- In any state. - Lord, yes.
- Every parish or precinct. - He was makin' the bigger point.
Ain't you gonna press the flesh, Pappy? Do a little politickin'?
I'll press your flesh, you dimwitted sumbitch.
You don't tell your pappy how to court the electorate!
We ain't one-at-a-timin' here. We're mass communicatin'!
Oh, yes. That's a powerful new force.
Shake a leg, Junior. Thank God your mama died givin' birth.
If she'd a-seen ya, she'd a-died of shame.
Hi, there. How you doin'?
on, damn you, Lily
Where you goin'?
Ain't it harder than it's ever been before
And the people are drifting
Door to door
Can't find no heaven I don't care where they go
Said you had money
You better be sure
These hard times will drive you from door to door
Let's bed down here for the night.
Yeah. It stinks in that old barn.
Suits me.
Pretty soon, it'll be nothin'
but feather beds and silk sheets.
$1 million.
$1.2 million.
$500,000 each.
$400,000, Delmar.
Pete, what are you gonna do with your share of the treasure?
Go out west somewhere,
open a fine restaurant.
I'm gonna be the maître d'.
Greet all the swells,
go to work everyday in a bow tie, tuxedo.
And all the staff'll say, "Yes, sir", and "No, sir"
and "In a jiffy, Pete."
And all my meals for free.
What about you, Delmar?
What are you gonna do with your share of that dough?
Gonna visit them foreclosin' son of a guns
down at the Indianola Savings and Loan,
slap that money on the barrelhead
and buy back the family farm.
You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land.
What about you, Everett?
What'd you have in mind when you stole it in the first place?
Uh...
I didn't have no plan.
Well, that hardly sounds like you.
All right, boys, it's the authorities!
Your situation is purt nigh hopeless!
Damn! They found our car!
We ain't got the time
and nary inclination to gentle you boys any further!
Damn! We gotta skedaddle!
I left my pomade in the car. Maybe I can creep up.
Don't be a fool, Everett.
We gotta R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
- Where's Tommy? - Already lit out.
He's scared out of his wits.
Let's go!
The hell it ain't square one.
Ain't no one gonna pick up three filthy, unshaved hitchhikers,
and one of 'em a know-it-all who can't keep his trap shut.
Pete, the personal rancour reflected in that remark,
I don't intend to dignify with comment.
But I would like to address your general attitude
of hopeless negativism.
Consider the lilies of the goddamn field.
Or hell, take a look at Delmar here as your paradigm of hope.
Yeah, look at me.
Now, you may call it an unreasoning optimism.
You may call it obtuse, but the plain and simple fact is
that we got close to three days before they
dam that river.
Is this the road to Itta Bena?
Uh...
“ta Bena'?
- Isn't it... - Stay on this road...
No, that ain't right. I was thinkin' of...
- Take this road... - No, that ain't right.
It seems to me there's a road,
a cow road that used to lead all the way,
well, most of the way to...
- That ain't right either. - Hop on in while you give it a think.
Delmar.
Any of you boys know your way around a Walther PPK?
Well, see, that's where we can't help ya.
I don't believe it's in Mississippi.
Friend, some of your foldin' money has come unstowed.
Just stuff it down that sack there, will ya?
You boys aren't bad men, I take it?
Well, it's funny you should ask.
I was bad till yesterday, but me and Pete here been saved.
I'm Delmar, and that there's Everett.
George Nelson. It's a pleasure.
Grab the tiller, will ya, buddy?
Hand me that chopper.
Say, what line of work are you in, George?
Come and get me, coppers!
You flat-footed, lame brained, soft-assed sons of bitches!
No one can catch me! I'm George Nelson!
I'm bigger than any John Law ever lived!
I'm 10 and a half feet tall and ain't yet full growed!
Cows.
I hate cows worse than coppers!
Oh, George, not the livestock.
Come on, you miserable, salaried sons of bitches! Come and get me!
Come on, boys. We're goin' for the record. Three banks in two hours.
Okay, folks, hold the applause and drop yer drawers!
I'm George Nelson, and I'm here to sack the city of Itta Bena!
He's a live wire though, ain't he?
All the money in a bag! What are you lookin' at, grandpa?
Pardon me, George. You got a plan for gettin' out of here?
Sure, boys.
Here's my plan.
They ain't never seen ordnance like this.
Thank you, folks. And remember,
Jesus saves, but George Nelson withdraws.
Go fetch the autovoiture, Pete.
That's Babyface Nelson.
Who said that?
What ignorant, lowdown,
slanderizing son of a bitch said that?
My name is George Nelson!
- Get me? - Mmm-hmm.
She didn't mean nothin' by it, George.
George Nelson, not Babyface!
You remember, and you tell your friends!
I'm George Nelson, born to raise hell!
Well, that was some fun though, wasn't it, George?
Yeah.
Almost makes me wish I hadn't been saved.
Jackin' up banks...
I can see how a fella
could derive a whole lot of pleasure and satisfaction out of it.
- It's okay. - Hoo, doggies!
Well,
I'm takin' off.
You boys might as well
keep my share of the riches.
Well, where are you goin', George?
I don't know. Who cares?
Now, what do you suppose is eatin' George?
Well, Delmar, they say that
with a thrill-seekin' personality, what goes up must come down.
Top of the world one minute, haunted by megrims the next.
Yes, sir, it's as if our old friend George is an alley cat,
and his own damn humour's swingin' him by the tail.
I wouldn't worry, Delmar. He'll be back on top again.
I don't think we've seen the last of George Nelson.
Don't be saps for Pappy.
Homer Stokes for governor.
Let's sweep this state clean.
Vote for Stokes, bubba.
Shh. Hang on. I'm gonna slap one on here.
Folks, here's my cousin Ezzard's niece, Eudora, from out of Greenwood,
doin' a little number with her cousin Tom-Tom,
which I predict you gonna enjoy thoroughly.
Now, what can I do you for, Mr French?
How can I lay ahold of them Soggy Bottom Boys?
Soggy Bottom. I don't precisely recollect them.
They cut a record in here a few days ago.
It was an old-timey harmony thing with a guitar...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember them!
- Coloured fellas, I believe. - Uh-huh.
Yes, sir, they're a fine bunch of boys.
They sang into yonder can and skedaddled.
That record is just goin' through the goddamn roof.
They're playin' it as far away as Mobile.
Whole damn state's goin' ape.
Well, it was a powerful air.
Hot damn, we gotta find them boys and sign 'em to a big, fat contract.
Hells bells, Mr Lunn. If we don't, the goddamn competition will.
Oh, mercy, yes. We got to beat that competition.
- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.
Do you have the Soggy Bottom Boys performing Man of Constant Sorrow?
No, ma'am. We got a new shipment in yesterday.
Sorry, but we just can't keep it on our shelves.
Shut up, Delmar.
Pull over! Pull over!
I guess ol' Pete's got the itch.
Go to sleep, you little baby
Your mama's gone away and your daddy's gone to stay
Didn't leave nobody
But the baby
Howdy do, ladies. Name of Pete.
Go to sleep, you little baby
Everybody's gone in the cotton and the corn
Didn't leave nobody
but the baby
- Ain't you gonna introduce us, Pete? - I don't know their names.
I seen 'em first!
You sweet, little baby
Honey in the rock and the sugar don't stop
Gonna bring a bottle to the baby
Don't you weep, pretty baby
She's long gone with her red shoes on
Gonna meet another lovin' baby
Ladies, my name is Ulysses Everett McGill.
Well, you three ladies are about the prettiest...
You and me and the devil makes three
Don't need no other lovin' baby
...water lilies I've ever...
Corn liquor.
Go to sleep, you little baby
You and me and the devil makes three
Don't need no other lovin' baby
Go to sleep, you little baby
Your mama's gone away and your daddy's gone to stay
Didn't leave nobody but the baby
Go to sleep, you little baby
Come, lay your bones on the alabaster stones
And be my ever-lovin' baby
Everett.
Everett!
My hair!
Look at this.
Pete, where the heck are ya?
Pete!
We ain't got time for hide-and-seek!
We ain't got time for your shenanigans!
Sweet Jesus, Everett.
They left his heart.
Delmar, what the heck's got into you?
Can't you see it, Everett?
Them sirens did this to Pete.
They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad.
Pete! Pete!
Pete!
Pete, it's me, Delmar.
It's me, Delmar.
Everett.
What are we gonna do?
- I'm not sure that's Pete. - Of course it's Pete. Look at him.
We gotta find some kind of wizard can change him back.
I'm just not sure that's Pete.
You can't display a toad in a fine restaurant like this.
Why, the good folks here would go right off their feed.
L just don't think it's right keepin' him under wraps like we's ashamed of him.
Well, if it is Pete, I am ashamed of him.
The way I see it, he got what he deserved,
fornicatin' with some whore of Babylon.
These things don't happen for no reason, Delmar.
It's obviously some kind of judgement on Pete's character.
Well, the two of us was fixin' to fornicate.
You're gonna have to excuse my rusticated friend,
unaccustomed as he is to city manners.
I guess we'll have ourselves
a couple of steaks and some gratineed potatoes,
and we'll wash it down with your finest bubbly wine.
And I don't suppose you have
any nits or grubs back there.
No, just bring us a couple leaves of raw cabbage.
- Yes, sir. - Thank you. That kind of barnyard...
I don't believe I've seen you boys around here before.
Allow me to introduce myself. Name of Daniel Teague.
Known in these precincts as Big Dan Teague,
or to those who are pressed for time, Big Dan toot cort.
How you doin', Big Dan? My name's Ulysses Everett McGill.
This is my associate, Delmar O'Donnell.
I detect, like me, you are endowed with the gift of gab.
I flatter myself that such is the case.
In my line of work, it's plumb necessary.
The one thing you don't want
is air in the conversation.
Once again, we find ourselves in agreement.
- What kind of work you do, Big Dan? - Sales, Mr McGill, sales.
And what do I sell? The truth, every blessed word of it,
from Genesis on down to Revelations.
That's right, the word of God, which, let me tell you,
there is damn good money in during these times of woe and want.
People are lookin' for answers,
and Big Dan sells the only book that's got 'em.
And what do you do, you and your tongue-tied friend?
We...
We're adventurers, sir,
currently pursuin' a certain opportunity, but we're open to others as well.
I like your style, young man, so I'm gonna propose you a proposition.
You cover my bill so I don't have to run back upstairs,
get your waitress to wrap your dinner picnic style,
and we shall retire to more private environs,
where I will tell you how there are vast amounts of money
to be made in the service of God Almighty.
Why not? Nothin' else, I could use some civilised conversation.
- Don't forget your shoe box, friend. - Languishin'!
Goddamn campaign is languishin'!
We need a shot in the arm. Ya hear me, boys?
In the goddamn arm!
Election held tomorrow, that sumbitch Stokes would win it in a walk!
Well, he's the reform candidate, Daddy.
- Yeah? - People like that reform.
Maybe we should get us some.
I'll reform you, you soft-headed sumbitch!
How are we gonna run reform when we're the damn incumbent?
Is that the best idea you boys can come up with? Reform?
Weepin' Jesus on the cross. Eckard!
You may as well start draftin' my concession speech right now.
Okay, Pappy.
I'm just makin' a point, you stupid sumbitch!
Give me back that hat! Hurry up!
- Pappy's just makin' a point. - Shut up!
Thank you, boys, for throwin' in that fricassee.
I'm a man of large appetite, and even with lunch under my belt,
I was feelin' a might peckish.
Our pleasure, Big Dan.
Thank you as well for the conversational hiatus.
I generally refrain from speech during gustation.
There are those who attempt both at the same time.
I find it coarse and vulgar. Where were we?
Makin' money in the Lord's service.
You don't say much, friend, but when you do,
it's to the point, and I salute you for it.
Yes, Bible sales.
Now, the trade is not a complicated one. There are but two things to learn.
One being where to find the wholesaler, the word of God in bulk, as it were.
Two, how to recognise your customer. Who are you dealin' with?
It's an exercise in psychology, so to speak.
And it is that which I propose
to give you a lesson in
right now.
Why, I like to think I'm a pretty astute observer of the human scene, too, Big Dan.
No doubt, brother. I figured as much back at the restaurant.
That's why I invited y'all out here for this advanced tutorial.
- What's goin' on, Big Dan? - It's all about the money, boys!
That's the answer!
Dough,
re,
mi!
I don't get it, Big Dan.
I'll just take your show cards
and whatever you got in the hole.
What the...
It ain't nothin' but a damn toad.
No, you don't understand.
That's Pete.
You know these things give you warts?
End of the lesson.
So long, boys.
See ya in the funny papers.
Y'all seen the end of Big Dan Teague.
Where are they?
Talk, you unreconstructed whelp of a whore!
Where they headed?
Your screams ain't gonna save your flesh.
Only your tongue is, boy.
Where they headed?
Lump, l.O.
Sweet summer rain.
Like God's own mercy.
Your two friends have abandoned you, Pete.
They don't seem to care about your hide.
Okay.
Stairway to heaven, Pete.
We shall all meet, by and by.
God damn it!
God, forgive me!
Believe me, he would've wanted us to press on.
Pete, rest his soul,
was one sour-assed son of a bitch and not given
to acts of pointless sentimentality.
It just don't seem right diggin' up that treasure without him.
Maybe it's for the best he was squished.
Why,
he was barely a sentient bein'.
As soon as we get ourselves cleaned up and get a little smell'um in our hair,
we're gonna feel 100% better about ourselves and about
life in general.
Must be near Parchman Farm.
Sorry sons of bitches.
Seems like a year ago we busted off the farm.
Pete got a brother?
Not that I'm aware.
Heat must be gettin' to me.
Oh, the storm and its furies rage today
Crushing hope that we cherish so dear
The cloud and storm will, in time, pass away
And the sun again will shine bright and clear
Keep on the sunny side
Always on the sunny side
Keep on the sunny side of life
It will help us everyday
It will brighten all the way
If we'll keep on the sunny side of life
That was wonderful.
Now, I know the Sunnysiders would agree with me
when I say that the great state of Mississippi
cannot afford four more years of Pappy O'Daniel,
four more years of cronyism,
nepotism, rascalism
and service to the interests.
Now, the choice, she's a clear 'un.
You have Pappy O'Daniel, slave of the interests,
Homer Stokes, servant of the little man.
- Ain't that right, little fella? - He ain't lyin'!
And, ladies and gentlemen, the little man has admonished me
to grasp the broom of reform
and sweep this state clean!
It's gonna be back to the flour mill, Pappy!
The interests can take care of theirselves.
Come Tuesday,
we gon' sweep the rascals out.
Clean government is yours for the askin'.
Folks, now the little Wharvey gals.
Wharvey gals?
Did he just say "little Wharvey gals"?
Come here, girls.
- What y'all gonna sing for us? - In The Highways.
- God damn it all. - You know them gals, Everett?
In the highways, in the hedges
I'll be somewhere a-workin' for my Lord
I'll be somewhere a-workin' I'll be somewhere a-workin'
I'll be somewhere a-workin' for my Lord
I'll be somewhere a-workin' I'll be somewhere a-workin'
I'll be somewhere a-workin' for my Lord
- Hey, girls. - Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
Daddy? He ain't our daddy.
The hell I ain't. What's this Wharvey gals? Your name's McGill.
No, sir, not since you got hit by that train.
What are you talking about? I wasn't hit by any train.
- Mama says you was hit by a train. - Bloomey!
Nothing left.
Just a grease spot on the L&N.
Damn it, I wasn't hit by any train.
That's right. Now, Mama's got us back to Wharvey.
That's her maiden name.
You got a maiden name, Daddy?
- No, Daddy don't have a maiden name. See... - That's your misfortune.
That's right, and now Mama's got a new beau.
He's a suitor.
Yeah, I heard about that.
Mama says that he's bona fide.
- Hmm. He give her a ring? - Yes, sir. A big 'un.
- Got a gem. - Mama checked it.
- It's bona fide. - He's a suitor.
What's his name?
- Vernon T. Waldrip. - Uncle Vernon.
- Till tomorrow. - Then he's gonna be Daddy.
I am the only daddy you got. I am the damn paterfamilias.
But you ain't bona fide.
Where's your mama?
- She's at the five and dime. - Buyin' nipples.
Angels wait
to take me home
Kiss me, Mother
- Daddy! - Hello, sugar!
How's my little girl?
- Who the hell's that? - Starla Wharvey.
Starla McGill, you mean.
- How come you never told me about her? -'Cause you was hit by a train.
That's another thing. Why are you tellin' our gals I was hit by a train?
Lots of respectable people been hit by trains.
Judge Hobby over in Cookeville was hit by a train.
What was I supposed to tell 'em?
That you were sent to the penal farm, and I divorced you from shame?
I take your point, but it does put me in a damned awkward position,
vis-a-vis my progeny.
Hello, Penny.
This gentleman botherin' you?
You Waldrip?
Uh-huh. That's right.
You been using my hair treatment?
Your hair treatment?
Excuse me.
I got news for you. In case you hadn't noticed, I wasn't hit by a train.
And I have travelled many a weary mile
to be back with my wife
and my six daughters.
Seven, Daddy!
That ain't your daddy, Alvinelle. Your daddy was hit by a train.
- Penny, you stop that. - No, you stop it.
Vernon here's got a job. Vernon's got prospects.
He's bona fide. What are you?
I'll tell you what I am. I'm the paterfamilias.
- You can't marry him. - I can, I am and I will. Tomorrow.
I gotta think about the little Wharvey gals. They look to me for answers.
Vernon can support 'em and buy 'em lessons on the clarinet.
The only good thing you ever did for the gals was get hit by that train.
Why, you lyin' unconstant succubus.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You can't swear at my fiancée.
Oh, yeah?
Well, you can't marry my wife.
Who is that man?
He's not my husband.
Just a drifter, I guess.
Just some no account drifter.
And stay out of the Woolworths.
I'll bet she does imitations, too.
Deceitful, two-faced she-woman.
Never trust a female, Delmar.
Remember that one simple precept
and your time with me will not have been ill-spent.
Okay, Everett.
Hit by a train.
The truth means nothin' to a woman, Delmar. Triumph of the subjective.
You ever been with a woman?
Well, I...
I gotta get the family farm back before I can start thinkin' about that.
That's right. If then.
Believe me, Delmar, woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture
ever devised to bedevil the days of man.
Everett, I never figured you for a paterfamilias.
Oh, yes. I have spread my seed.
And look what it's...
What the hell's...
Okay, boys, enjoy your picture show.
I have no money, honey.
How can I change?
Do not seek the treasure.
It's a bushwhack.
They're fixin' an ambush.
Do not seek the treasure.
We thought you was
a toad.
We thought
you was
a toad!
Do not seek the treasure!
Quiet there! Watch the picture!
I signed that bill. I signed a dozen agriculture bills.
Everyone knows I'm a friend of the farmer.
What I gotta do, start diddlin' livestock?
We can't do that, Daddy. We might offend our constituency.
We ain't got a constituency.
Stokes got a constituency!
Well, it's a well-run campaign.
Midget and broom and whatnot.
- Devil his due. - Hell of an organisation.
Say, I got an idea.
What's that, Junior?
We can hire us a little fella even smaller than Stokes's.
You slump-shouldered sack of guts!
Why, we'd look like a bunch of Johnny-Come-Latelys
braggin' on our own midget.
Don't matter how stumpy.
That's the goddamn problem right there. People think Stokes got fresh ideas.
He's au courant, and we the past.
- It's a problem of... - Perception.
That's right.
The reason why he's pullin' our pants down.
- Gonna paddle our little behinds. - Ain't gon' paddle it.
Gon' kick it real hard.
No, I believe he's gonna paddle it.
I don't believe that's a proper description.
Well, that's how I'd characterise it.
I believe it's more of a kickin' situation.
God, forgive me.
I could not gaze upon that far shore.
Pete.
Hold still!
Can't stand much longer.
It was a moment of weakness.
Quit your babblin', Pete. We gotta skedaddle.
That's all I got.
They lured me out for a bathe,
and then they dunked me, and trussed me up like a hog
and turned me in for the bounty.
Should've guessed it. Typical womanly behaviour.
Just lucky we left before they came back for us.
We didn't abandon you, Pete. We just thought you was a toad.
No, they never did turn me into a toad.
Well, that was our mistake, then.
And we was beat up by a Bible salesman and banished from Woolworths.
I don't know, Everett, was it the one branch or all of 'em?
Well, I ain't had it easy either, boys.
Frankly...
Well, I...
I spilled my guts about the treasure.
DELMARI Huh?
I'm awful sorry I betrayed you fellas.
Must be my Hogwallop blood.
That's all right, Pete.
It's awful white of you to take it like that, Everett.
I feel wretched,
spoilin' your play for $1.2 million.
It's been eatin' out my guts.
That's all right.
You boys are true friends.
You're my boon companions.
Pete, I don't want you to beat yourself up about this thing.
I can't help it, but that's a wonderful thing to say.
Pete,
the fact of the matter is,
damn it,
there ain't no treasure.
Fact of the matter is, there never was.
So, where's all the money from the armoured car job?
I never knocked over no armoured car.
I was sent up for practisin' law without a licence.
But...
Damn it, I had to bust out.
My wife wrote me she was gettin' married, I gotta stop it.
I had two weeks left on my sentence.
I couldn't wait two weeks. She's gettin' married tomorrow.
With my added time for the escape,
I don't get out now until 1987.
Now, I am sorry about that.
I'll be
84 years old.
I guess they'll tack on 50 years for me, too.
Boys, we was chained together.
I had to tell you somethin'. Bustin' out alone was not an option.
I'm sorry.
Eighty-four years old.
Well, I'll only be 82.
You!
You ruined my life!
I do apologise about that, Pete.
Eighty-four years old!
I'll be gummin' pabulum!
Now, boys, boys...
O Death
Won't you spare me over to another year
Well, I am Death. None can excel
I'll open the door to heaven or hell
O Death, someone would pray
Could you wait to call me another day?
It's Tommy. They got Tommy.
DELMARI Oh, my Lord.
A noose.
Sweet Jesus, we gotta save him.
I'll fix your feet till you can't walk
I'll lock your jaw till you can't talk
I'll close your eyes
so you can't see
This very hour, come and go with me
The colour guard.
And if I come to take the soul
Leave the body and leave it cold
O Death
Won't you spare me over to another year
Brothers!
Oh, brothers!
We are forgathered here
to preserve our hallowed culture and heritage
from intrusion, inclusion
and dilution
of colour, of creed
and of our old-time religion!
We aim to pull evil up by the root
before it chokes out the flower of our culture and heritage.
And our women! Let's not forget those ladies, y'all!
Lookin' to us for protection,
from darkies, from Jews,
from papists
and from all those smart-ass folks say we come descended from monkeys.
- That's not my culture and heritage. - Yes!
- Is that your culture and heritage? - No!
And so,
we gonna hang us a negro.
I ain't never harmed you, neither of you gentlemen.
I ain't never harmed nobody.
- Hey! Hey, Tommy! - Huh?
It's us. We come to rescue you.
That's mighty kind of you boys,
but I don't think nothin's gonna save me now.
The devil's come to collect his due.
Don't be crazy, Tommy.
You don't wanna get hanged.
No, I don't reckon I do, but that's the way it seems to be working out.
Listen, Tommy, I got a plan.
The colour guard is coloured.
Who made them the colour guard?
Run, boys!
No, no, son!
Can't let that flag touch the ground!
Ooh!
Take your hands off me. I can do this myself. Get away from me.
I'm saying we should hire this man away.
- That's a good idea, Pappy. - Hell of an idea.
- Can't beat 'em, join 'em. - Have him join us.
Run our campaign. Steal that egghead's.
Enticements of power, wealth, et cetera.
- No one says no to Pappy O'Daniel. - Oh, gracious, no.
- Not with his blandishments. - Powers of persuasion.
What's his name again?
- Campaign manager? - Yes.
- Waldrip. - Vernon Waldrip.
- Vernon T. Waldrip. - Hmm.
It's an invitation-only affair.
We'll have to sneak in through the service entrance.
Hold on.
Wait a minute.
Who elected you leader of this outfit?
Since we been followin' your lead,
we got nothin' but trouble.
I got this close to bein' strung up,
and consumed in a fire, and whipped no end,
and sunstroked and snagged...
- Turned into a frog. - He wasn't turned into a frog.
Almost loved up, though.
So you're against me now, too?
Is that how it is, boys?
The whole world, God Almighty,
and now you.
Guess I deserve it.
Boys, I know that I made some tactical mistakes.
But if you just stick with me, I got a plan.
Believe me, boys, we can fix this thing.
I can get my wife back, and we can get out of here.
Goddamn disgrace!
Made a travesty of the entire evening.
What I wouldn't give to get ahold of those agitators.
I mean, whoever heard of such behaviour, even amongst the coloured?
Well, mulattoes, maybe. I suspect some miscegenation in their heritage.
How else you gonna explain it? Usin' the Confederate flag as a missile!
This is crazy. No one's ever gonna believe we're a real band.
It's gonna work. I just gotta get close enough to talk to her.
Takin' off with us has got more future than marryin' some guy named Waldrip.
I'm goddamn bona fide.
- I’ve got the answers. - Everett, my beard itches.
In The Jailhouse Now, fellers.
Neighbourhood of B.
Psst.
It's me.
No.
I had a friend named Ramblin' Bob
He used to steal, gamble and rob
He thought he was the smartest guy around
We're leavin' the state,
pursuin' opportunities in another venue.
I got big plans.
Not minstrels. This here's just a dodge. I'm gonna be a dentist.
I know this guy who'll print me up a licence.
He's in the jailhouse now
- Well, I told him once or twice
to stop playin' cards and a-shootin' dice
He's in the jailhouse now
Bob liked to play his poker
Well, that is an improper suggestion.
I can't switch sides in the middle of a campaign,
especially to work for a man who lacks moral fibre.
Moral fibre? Why, you pasty-faced sumbitch.
I invented moral fibre.
Pappy O'Daniel was displaying rectitude and high-mindedness
when that egghead you work for was still messin' his drawers.
- Honey. - Go away.
I want to be what you want me to be. I want you and the gals to come with me.
I told him once or twice
to stop playin' cards and a-shootin' dice
What are you doing here, Pappy?
I guess someone let on we were givin' out liquor.
You'll be laughin' out the other side of your face come November.
Pappy O'Daniel will be laughin' then.
Not out the other side of his face, though.
Oh, no, just the regular side.
They're my daughters too, Penny.
Ain't you ever heard of...
In constant sorrow
All through his days
I
am a man
of constant sorrow
I've seen trouble
Hot damn! It's the Soggy Bottom Boys!
I bid farewell
to old Kentucky
The place where I
was born and raised
The place where he
was born and raised
Holy moley! These boys are a hit!
But Pappy, they's integrated.
Wait a minute.
Well, I guess folks don't mind they's integrated.
You's miscegenated.
All you boys is miscegenated!
Give me a microphone! Give me a microphone!
These boys is not white.
Hell, they ain't even old-timey.
Look, I happen to know, ladies and gentlemen,
that this band of miscreants here,
this very evening interfered with a lynch mob
in the performance of its duties.
It's true!
See, I belong to a certain secret society.
I don't believe I gotta mention its name, you know.
- Let 'em play! - Hush him up!
And these boys here,
they trampled all over our venerated observances and rituals.
Now, this here music is over. AH right?
Boo!
Folks, listen to me.
These boys desecrated a fiery cross.
Y'all having a good time?
And they's convicts, folks! Fugitives escaped off the farm!
Now, folks, these boys gotta be remanded to the authorities!
Criminals!
And I have it from the highest authority
that that negro sold his soul to the devil!
Oh!
Wait a minute, now, folks. It's true!
It's true!
Wait a minute, folks.
ls you is or is you ain't my constituency?
- Oh! Come on, folks! - Shut up!
It's Homer, now! Come on. I'm the friend of the little man!
It's fare thee well
My own true lover
I never expect
to see you again
For
I'm bound to ride
that northern railroad
Perhaps I'll die
upon that train
Perhaps he'll die
upon that train
Goddamn! Opportunity knocks!
Get out of my way!
I'm just a stranger
My face you'll never see no more
But there is one promise
that is given
I'll meet you on
God's golden shore
He'll meet you on
God's golden shore
That's fine! That's fine!
Ladies and gentlemens,
here and listenin' at home,
the great state of Mississippi,
Pappy O'Daniel, governor,
wants to thank the Soggy Bottom Boys for that wonderful performance.
Now, it looks like the only man in this great state
who ain't a music lover
is my esteemed opponent in the upcomin', Homer Stokes.
Yeah, well, there ain't no accountin' for taste.
Sounded to me like he was harbourin' some kind of hateful grudge
against the Soggy Bottom Boys,
on account of their rough and rowdy past.
Looks like Homer Stokes is the kind of fella
wants to cast the first stone.
Well, I'm with you folks.
I'm a forgive and forget Christian, and I say
if their rambunctiousness and misdemeanorin' is behind 'em...
It is, ain't it, boys?
Yes, sir, it is.
Well, then I say, by the power vested in me,
these boys is hereby pardoned!
And furthermore,
in the second Pappy O'Daniel administration,
these boys is gonna be my brain trust.
What's that mean, Everett?
Well, Delmar, it means that you and me and Pete and Tommy
are gonna be the power behind the throne, so to speak.
Oh. Okay.
So, without further ado,
and by way of endorsin' my candidacy,
the Soggy Bottom Boys is gonna lead us all in a chorus of
You Are My Sunshine.
Ain't ya, boys?
Governor, it's one of our favourites.
Son,
you're gonna go far.
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
when skies are grey
You'll never know, dear
how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
I guess Vernon T. Waldrip is gonna be goin' on relief.
Maybe I can throw a little patronage his way.
Get him a job diggin' ditches or roundin' up stray dogs.
So, is the marriage off then, Miss Wharvey?
McGill.
No, the marriage will take place as planned.
Little change of cast.
Me and the little lady are gonna pick up the pieces and retie the knot,
mixaphorically speaking.
You boys are invited, of course.
Hell, you're the best men.
Already got the rings.
Where's your ring, honey?
I ain't worn it since our divorce came through.
Must still be in the roll-top in the old cabin. Never thought I'd need it.
Vernon bought one encrusted with jewels.
Now's the time to buy it off him cheap.
We ain't gettin' married with his ring. You said you'd changed.
- Honey, yours is just an old pewter thing. - Ain't gon' be no weddin'.
- It's just a symbol, honey. - No weddin'.
We'll go fetch it with you, Everett.
Shut up, Delmar. It's just a symbol.
I've spoken my piece and counted to three.
She counted to three.
God damn it. She counted to three.
Son of a bitch!
You have any idea how far that cabin is?
George?
Hello, boys!
Well, these little men finally caught up with the criminal of the century!
Looks like the chair for George Nelson!
Yup! Gonna electrify me!
I'm gonna go off like a Roman candle!
Twenty-thousand volts chasin' a rabbit through yours truly.
Goddamn! Gonna suck all the power right out of the state!
Gonna shoot sparks out the top of my head
and lightning from my fingertips!
I'm George Nelson, and I'm feelin' 10 feet tall!
Looks like George is right back on top again.
COW killer!
At least you boys get to see the ancestral manse,
the home where I spent so many a happy day
in the bosom of my family.
A refugium, if you will, with a mighty oak tree out front
and a happy little tyre swing kinda...
Where's the happy little tyre swing?
End of the road, boys.
- Now, wait a minute. - Let's go, boys.
- It's had its twists and turns. - Wait a minute, now.
Now, it deposits you here.
Wait a minute.
You have eluded fate and you have eluded me
for the last time.
Tie their hands, boys.
You can't do this now.
Didn't know you'd be bringin' a friend.
He'll just have to wait his turn.
Share one of your graves.
You can't do this. We just got pardoned by the governor hisself.
It went out on the radio.
Is that right?
Well, we ain't got a radio.
God have mercy.
You
got to go
to that lonesome valley
You
It ain't fit.
It ain't the law.
The law?
The law is a human institution.
Nobody else
can go there for you, no
Perhaps you should start making your prayers.
Got
to go
Oh, my God.
Everett.
Tommy, I'm sorry we got you into this.
Good Lord,
what do we do?
BY
yourself
Lord,
please look down and recognise us poor sinners.
Please, Lord,
I just wanna see my daughters again.
I been separated from my family for so long.
I know I been guilty of pride and sharp dealin'.
I'm sorry that I turned my back on you.
Forgive me
and help us, Lord.
For the sake of my family. For Tommy's sake.
For Delmar's and Pete's.
Let me see my daughters again, Lord.
Help us.
Please.
GRAVEDIGGER 1 I You
got to go
to the lonesome valley
Yes, sir!
You
901'
to go
there
DY
yourself
Nobody else
Nobody else can go for you
You
901'
to go
there
DY
yourself
A miracle! It was a miracle!
Delmar, don't be ignorant. I told you they was floodin' this valley.
- No, that ain't it. - We prayed to God, and he pitied us.
Well, it never fails.
Once again, you two hayseeds are showin' how much you want for intellect.
There's a perfectly scientific explanation for what just happened.
That ain't the tune you was singin' back at the gallows.
Well, any human being will cast about in a moment of stress.
No, the fact is, they're floodin' this valley
so they can hydroelectric up the whole durn state.
Yes, sir, the South is gonna change.
Everything's gonna be put on electricity and run on a payin' basis.
Out with the old spiritual mumbo jumbo, the superstitions and the backward ways.
We're gonna see a brave new world where they run everybody a wire
and hook us all up to a grid.
Yes, sir, a veritable age of reason, like the one they had in France.
Not a moment too soon.
Hey, there's Tommy.
Tommy, what you ridin' there?
Whoa.
Roll-top desk.
My latest sun is sinking fast
My race is nearly run
All's well that ends well, so the poet said.
That's right, honey.
I don't mind tellin' you I'm awful pleased
my adventurin' days have come to an end.
It's time for this ol' boy to enjoy some repose.
- That's good. - You were right about that ring, too.
Any other weddin' band wouldn't do.
This here were foreordained.
Fate was a-smilin' on me, you just have to have confidence...
- That's not my ring. - What?
That's not my ring.
- Not your ring? - That's one of Aunt Hurlene's.
- You said it was in the roll-top desk. - I said I thought it was in the roll-top desk.
- No, you said... - Or under the mattress.
Maybe my chiffo-robe. I don't know.
Well, I'm sorry, honey.
We need that ring.
Well, that ring is at the bottom of a pretty durn big lake.
Uh-uh.
- A 9,000-hectare lake. - I don't care if it's 90,000.
- That lake was not my doing. - Of course not.
- I counted to three, honey. - No, wait, honey.
Finding one little ring in the middle of all that water is one hell of a heroic task.
And gives me victory
Oh, come
Angel band
Come and around me stand
Oh, bear me away on your snow white wings
to my immortal home
Oh, bear me away on your snow white wings
to my immortal home